DOMA & My Perspective

So I haven't really given any personal thoughts on this new phenomenon: DOMA being killed by the supreme court.

First off, I hope no one gets offended about my thoughts, remember everyone has a right of speech and if you don't agree with it, then you shouldn't exercise your right. There's no possible way that a contradiction can exist in your views. It just shows your indecisiveness and your hypocrisy. Change of hearts or minds in this case may happen, but you can never stand middle ground.

I've seen religious people screaming that this is the end of the world because of the decision.
I honestly see no difference in history.
People have said we are in the age of technology, however we still can't assure equal rights...
If you ever try to do something against someone's rights, then you shouldn't have you rights either.
Who are you to take other rights away that don't belong to you? The decision is theirs, not yours. If you decide something then exercise it by SHOWING the difference in your actions.
An example? Don't like gay marriage? Teach your children about it, and don't marry someone of the same sex as you.. It's sad to know that your children might by biased BUT true understanding will come to those who are willing to see further from the censorship or prejudice that has been imposed on us.

Want an example of that? I come from a highly traditional catholic family who is pretty hardcore up to date.

Now I am not favoring religion or people who pursue same-sex marriage, I'm speaking in favor of rights in general.

Some time ago, women didn't have any rights. Female protesters should think about this, women, you wouldn't even be able to SPEAK if you didn't have any rights. Long ago, the 'bible' or religion dictated that women had a certain role and it was definitely NOT waving signs and condemning people to hell just because they happen to love someone of the same sex...

People seem to use the bible and religion as an excuse for the things they don't seem able to understand or tolerate. That's sad. It makes all the religious people who are truly tolerant and jesus-loving seem bad. I can assure you, not all religious people are spending half of their time condemning people to hell or at protests.

Social problems SHOULD be eliminated IF we want to make our society prosper. Why is it that men produce less every time? Sure, we've all heard of that one kid that went to Harvard at 16, but WHY CAN'T IT BE US OR SOMEONE WE KNOW? Why does everything have to be scarce? (Literature, Music, Science, etc).

Everyone deserves rights.
You can't ruin it for other people.
But I guess that's the flaw in democracy.
I'm not advocating another form of government, but sometimes when society and the masses are taken into consideration over the individual great minds are lost.

I just wanted to talk about this..

Metal on my maxillary molars.

So, completely out of topic, I saw this picture, and this is what I think whenever my boyfriend says he doesn't like harry potter:


And yes, it's from 9gag, which I often visit for a good laugh.
Anyway, today I went to the orthodontist right? since I have braces, and I WAS VICIOUSLY TORTURED!
I was getting metal on my maxillary molars which looks something like this:

on this molar:

and yes, it HURTS. Because first the put the top metal thingy to see it fits, and if you're a weirdo like me with teeth that are also weirdos, then the orthodontist assistant or technician will have to try it like 5 to 6 times which is all very painful. First of all, it sinks into your gums. and YOU have to bite it down with this little tool and then they're all like open..bite.....open....bite... and IT HURTS. Then the person who did this to me got parts of my cheek stuck and IT HURT EVEN MORE. Now I have to go back to eating soft and cold food once more, since its rather pointy and it keeps scraping my cheek and I can't do much until my gums toughen up. I feel just like the first month when I got my braces AND I would live side by side with the metallic taste of blood because my braces would tangle up (I guess) with my inner lip somehow while I slept. (It still happens, but I don't bleed). 

If you EVER get braces, don't eat hard food. and eat lots of Popsicle, they were heaven when I had my wisdom teeth removed and my braces for the first month.

Yes, I may seem like a BIG crybaby, BUT I will prove to you I am not.

How?

I got my 4 wisdom teeth removed. AT THE SAME TIME.

Yes, I know, I'm brutal.

AND yes, it was painful. I looked like a chipmunk. I'm rather small, so my sister would say I looked like a bobble head, with a big face (because my cheeks were all swollen) and a small body. 

I will tell you all about my struggles with braces AND I will show off that I GOT A JOB.

My doctor thinks I'm suicidal, since I went I think it was yesterday...for a physical and a shot (which I already had, free pain yay!) and well the blood needed for the physical hurt.

YOU CAN NEVER EVER SEE MY VEINS! 

I can't even look at them taking blood because I WILL FAINT, so the nurse is all covering my eyes, and searching for the vein, once she found it she pressed it rather to hard and it was difficult not thinking about the pain.

I looked something like this:

 with my hand down of course. and hair on my head.
without the beard....
and the muscles.

Finally, touching the job subject, I'm going to work at a perfume shop:D it's really close to the college I'll be attending, so that's a plus. BUT, I happen to have allergies, which is why my doctor thinks I'm odd. But I neeeeeeed the job. So I'll give it a shot. I spent all last night looking up the different types of perfume and selling techniques so I can look educated on the subject. Also I think I might attend a math camp at my college so I could go straight into taking calculus instead of taking college algebra and pre cal. The thing is I need to talk to my employer first. DAMN! already asking to be one hour late in order to attend class in the first day of work. If it doesn't work out (which I hope it does), then I guess I'll look for another job.  I really need the money.
I shall leave you with two cat pictures, and I will recount everything about how my job went, enjoy the cat pictures.

Stupid and sensual windows 8

So apparently I get home and my stupid laptop is throwing one of its trautums.
Did you know, my fellow american internet-users, that windows 8 enables and disables by itself, including the wireless adapter?

God damn you windows 8.
I had to be THAT weirdo who's STILL connected to her wifi router.....
NO OFFENSE, BUT ANYWAYYYY
I found out how, with youtube's infinite wisdom,
and now I am blogging.
Tomorrow I will go job hunting downtown with the charming asians  who happen to be oblivious at selling rat poison..
for example,
I LOVE to get lost in their stores, it's fun, you never know what you might find there,
so I got and I find some rat poison, with a smiling rat that has X's for eyes.
I don't thing the grasp the concept of rat poison... anyways, maybe I'll even learn mandarin. Cool huh?

My life other than that is trying to get my ipod to work.. I will explain my brilliant achievement of getting it to work once I get it to work....

Killer eye-lash curler

So I want to recount or recap or however you type it, how I got cuts under my right eye. I was putting make up, in epic mode {rushed}, then dussdenly I hear something crunch within my eye lash curler, and I start to use it, then as I'm aobut to use it IT FliiiiiEEEEEEEES. and it claims part of my skin, making me bleeding. that little devil broke and it took part of my underneath eye skin with it.
God damn it, why does everything happen to me or those types of things happen to me? just like the time I cut myself with a potato peeler.

back from the ashes.

what's up? have you guys ever felt that you need some friends because they meant the world to you, then suddenly they decide its best to ignore you? well I would call, but my phone is dead. I've been bad at memorizing phone numbers all my life, so I have no idea of their number. So I guess this is it. I just hope they understand what it means. I do. I understand it means I failed them somehow and even all their words that our friendship meant more than what it is were false. I guess cowardice is really blocking someone without teling them why. Friends are hard to come by, but i know I'll make more. maybe not the same ones who laughed with me, and ignored me until the last day like last year, but i guess. Things change and people change editor-san. I just hope one day you don't regret your decision, like im regretting mine of not looking for you and not talking to you on your page because then you blocked me, and try to add me like one of my friends some four years back. I really thought this would last forever, I guess not.
Time to move on.


So on another note, I havent found a job and its sad sad but oh well. I'm thinking about getting a job in my local downtown even two if I have to. I have to attend college orientacion soon, and a chose a date that was really far off so I dont have to find certain people. I'm thinking about transfering to another college.  by that will come later. so far I've spent time with my time with my boyfriend who has chastisied me about being depressed about my friends. well 'friends'. So he gave me back my ipod and let me download books into it. I feel like such a pirate. So ive been gathering music and books to fit it into my back pack. Also I have to retrieve the sd memory card with pictures of my 'friends'. good think i still have that picture that I was supposed to delete of the year book amongst other face shots. {ooops} meanwhile I will cry to those pictures.


I can't wait to start orientacion and meet new people or old people. I've been talking to some of my old best friends lately and they seem chill. I even found out one of my friends had a wedding or more like is going to have one. good for her, and I wish her the best. I won't be able to attend though, I'm  a little too far.

I've been waiting to go see the Great Gatsby, which certain friends said we were gonna go, which they probably went without me anyway, so I guess I'll watch it alone or with my boyfriend. Right now, I'm craving lots of candy and even a cake. God damm it , that¿s why I'm fat.

I've been having to deal with myself alot but sooner or later I'll get over it. once I get a job i'll buy a smartphone and I'll be able to blog more. I still haven't gotten used to windows 8 on my new laptop.

'stay tuned' i guess for more updates.

Return at last pt.2

FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER:
So today the first thing she tells me is that I should take a bath, when was the last time I took a bath because I 'looked dirty'. My response was, I took a bath in the morning, I didn't realize my color was so dark. Then she said, go away, you're bothering me. My sweet dear mother.

MY CELL PHONE DIED:
So I've had my cellphone for about three or four years now. I'm not the owner of a smartphone, but a generic Samsung that was practical UNTIL TODAY. It decided to die out on me TODAY the day Express said the would call me tomorrow. Life is a bitch to me, I hope I hit jackpot in the lottery one of these days because my luck for everything else is TERRIBLE. So I guess I'll replace it. Not with a smart phone, but with a practical flip phone that is not only CHEAP but will serve its purpose. I have an ipod touch to deal with the music issue which is all that I truly need. Whenever I have money to spend and that's if I EVER have money as a college student, I'll buy myself an the newest smartphone on the market. meanwhile, I'll mark my priorities and that's paying for college without resorting to working at the same fast food restaurant my mother works at - I don't want her criticizing me EVEN at my work.

FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER:
I hope the end. It's either the end or me leaving. I really hate it that she would place that man over me. I guess it's time to make my priorities also.

EXPECTATIONS & PROSPECTS I FEAR I WON'T LIVE UP TO:
One thing I've been talking about with my boyfriend is marriage. For many reasons I can't discuss here that doesn't include pregnancy which is impossible. It does involve, however, a job for him. Yet, a lot of things have passed over this year that has just started. I want to believe everything happens for a reason..and I always cry my eyes out when I remember my secret. I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be with him until he had a wedding ring ready- I want to do that right at least. It would be best for both of us. Or even if he signed the papers...I would be happy. I just can't bring myself to face something that won't be done in spite of a promise. I want it to be absolute. To be sure. I want stability and assurance. I know  that it can work. Even happily after some years. I hope he feels the same way.

Finally, my career isn't going to be an easy one let alone college. I know I can pull through. However, I'm a wreck when I'm in an environment without trust. I need to know I can trust in the people around me. If I can't, then I become a mess. I start doubting even myself.

Return at last. pt.1

So my days have been hell and stuff is only getting worst.

In chronological order I will talk about the following things, probably in two different posts so one doesn't drag on forever... that's just lame and boring.

so the magical list:

• Graduation Disaster 
• Fights with my mother
• Loosing two friends at once
• Hunting for a job
• Fights with my mother
• My cell phone died
• Fights with my mother
• Expectation & prospects  I fear I won't live up to.

So let's divide the whole thing by a nice little line shall we?

• Graduation Disaster 
• Fights with my mother
• Loosing two friends at once
• Hunting for a job

------------------------------------------------------------------

• Fights with my mother
• My cell phone died
• Fights with my mother
• Expectation & prospects  I fear I won't live up to.

Let's start with part one.

GRADUATION DISASTER:

Due to the beautiful storm we had during our graduation that was supposed to be outdoors, they had to change it to an ugly high school gym that would mean limiting the amount of people that could attend to your graduation. We'll obviously my family has first priority, so I told my boyfriend not to go. It turns out that they weren't checking the people and my boyfriend was pissed. Additionally, I tried to talk to one of my closets best friend but she wouldn't notice me much. I guess that's when it all started. I looked for my other friend but I couldn't find her amongst the crowd, and my family overwhelmed me and wanted to take millions of pictures with me and stuff like that.

Before the graduation I had an awful fight with my mother about my future and why I needed a job. 

We also got in a fight during my birthday which I only spent half of it with her because she was her usually 'charming' self. I can't stand when people get sarcastic to the point of throwing insults at you with no pity whatsoever. oh well.

Fights with my mother:

self explanatory, and they only happen more often and get worst. I'm thinking about moving out. I know I sound like the typical teenager, but I do know what it is to live without your parent's money. I'm waiting until I have a second job confirmed so I can sustain myself and live with my father who works most of the time and lives in a dangerous neighborhood and goes on business trips every week and only comes back for the weekends or with my boyfriend who would also get a job. My life with my mother has turned into a constant tug-a-war in which her main concern is her second husband, my step father the person I nicknamed the 'thing'. She has admitted openly that her first responsibility isn't that of a mother's but that of a woman, unlike my grandmother who never divorced in spite of the endless fights and hatred with my grandfather, for the sake of her children. I can't be in a place where they expected me to do all these things, and still be treated without trust. I need to gain my own responsibility and I have to find trust within myself. I can't seem to find it anywhere else but with those who have supported me through my hard times- one of my friends who is quiet but beautiful and my boyfriend. Only they know the secret that I've been keeping all this time and will probably take to my grave. 

LOOSING TWO FRIENDS AT ONCE:

People often say you can make friends easily. The truth is, these friends were indispensable to me, even if they didn't know my secret. But you see, they couldn't  possibly know. Sometimes we keep secrets because they're so big you're afraid of the effect they might have or what they could truly possibly hold. I mean- they've altered your reality already.I haven't lived a single day without thinking about that secret...I sleep thinking of it I wake thinking of it, hell It's just so ever preset I can' brush it off. But more people CAN'T possibly know it. How would they take it? I don't even want to think about it. These friends meant a lot. I would probably be talking to them if they hadn't blocked me from facebook which I think is what happened. I know a way to reach one of them, but I won't. That person doesn't want her identity to be endangered in any way and I won't. I guess I'll wait until they feel like talking to me. If it never happens or its too late then I guess. I hope you know who you are, and if you're reading this, I need you desperately. But I won't beg. I needed a sincerely 'happy birthday' - one that did not loathe me or wanted to see me fail so much... You don't know what it felt to be at a place were half of them were betting on your failure and hell they were right! They just don't know it...

Even the person I loved the most turned his back on me that day. I pulled myself through. We would've talked about a million things, played Uno until one of us got mad, and then laughed at it all..

I guess things don't last forever huh?

Forgive me okay? I don't know how else to reach you.

I hope I got my message through..and don't be disappointed in me.

I'm learning how to get by the hard way. I hope you make lots of friends who won't treat you like I did.

But I do hope they bake lemon bars for you.

HUNTING FOR A JOB:

I went to an interview at Express today. They offered me 15 hours a day. My first thought; DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE OF STARVATION? My second thought: HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSE D TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WITH THAT MISERABLE PAY? and my last thought in that half-second: I NEED A SECOND JOB IF I GET HIRED, HELL MAYBE A THIRD ONE....

If I'm seriously thinking about leaving my lovely nest.. I'll need cash bro. and two jobs. Good thing that where I'm gonna live it's going to be cheaper... but still I need money to save up for college and stuff stuff stuff. Maybe clothes. No, COLLEGE. Nah, maybe a pet sugar glider.Yeah, pet sugar glider then college:3

So I applied at petco and other places...including walmart. I've always wanted to be a night stalker I mean stocker. It seems fun and endless. My type of job. The best thing? People won't be asking for shit since I'll be the one at night:D expect that one weirdo that needs to urgently buy ONE type of tape they only sell at wal-mart... (yes I did that) or if they need batteries or a random SD card (Yes, I also did that) OOR if the jsut felt like having munchies (guilty of that also). 

I just hope I can get a good job at another place. 

I hope I got the job at Express.

I'm confident I did;)

iF not plan* B.

I AM JUST KIDDING!*

Poles...possible infections...FUCK THAT SHIT, I'LL BECOME A MATHEMATICIAN!