Return at last pt.2

FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER:
So today the first thing she tells me is that I should take a bath, when was the last time I took a bath because I 'looked dirty'. My response was, I took a bath in the morning, I didn't realize my color was so dark. Then she said, go away, you're bothering me. My sweet dear mother.

MY CELL PHONE DIED:
So I've had my cellphone for about three or four years now. I'm not the owner of a smartphone, but a generic Samsung that was practical UNTIL TODAY. It decided to die out on me TODAY the day Express said the would call me tomorrow. Life is a bitch to me, I hope I hit jackpot in the lottery one of these days because my luck for everything else is TERRIBLE. So I guess I'll replace it. Not with a smart phone, but with a practical flip phone that is not only CHEAP but will serve its purpose. I have an ipod touch to deal with the music issue which is all that I truly need. Whenever I have money to spend and that's if I EVER have money as a college student, I'll buy myself an the newest smartphone on the market. meanwhile, I'll mark my priorities and that's paying for college without resorting to working at the same fast food restaurant my mother works at - I don't want her criticizing me EVEN at my work.

FIGHTS WITH MY MOTHER:
I hope the end. It's either the end or me leaving. I really hate it that she would place that man over me. I guess it's time to make my priorities also.

EXPECTATIONS & PROSPECTS I FEAR I WON'T LIVE UP TO:
One thing I've been talking about with my boyfriend is marriage. For many reasons I can't discuss here that doesn't include pregnancy which is impossible. It does involve, however, a job for him. Yet, a lot of things have passed over this year that has just started. I want to believe everything happens for a reason..and I always cry my eyes out when I remember my secret. I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be with him until he had a wedding ring ready- I want to do that right at least. It would be best for both of us. Or even if he signed the papers...I would be happy. I just can't bring myself to face something that won't be done in spite of a promise. I want it to be absolute. To be sure. I want stability and assurance. I know  that it can work. Even happily after some years. I hope he feels the same way.

Finally, my career isn't going to be an easy one let alone college. I know I can pull through. However, I'm a wreck when I'm in an environment without trust. I need to know I can trust in the people around me. If I can't, then I become a mess. I start doubting even myself.