In chronological order I will talk about the following things, probably in two different posts so one doesn't drag on forever... that's just lame and boring.
so the magical list:
- Graduation Disaster
- Fights with my mother
- Loosing two friends at once
- Hunting for a job
- Fights with my mother
- My cell phone died
- Fights with my mother
- Expectation & prospects I fear I won't live up to.
So let's divide the whole thing by a nice little line shall we?
- Graduation Disaster
- Fights with my mother
- Loosing two friends at once
- Hunting for a job
- Fights with my mother
- My cell phone died
- Fights with my mother
- Expectation & prospects I fear I won't live up to.
Let's start with part one.
GRADUATION DISASTER:
Due to the beautiful storm we had during our graduation that was supposed to be outdoors, they had to change it to an ugly high school gym that would mean limiting the amount of people that could attend to your graduation. We'll obviously my family has first priority, so I told my boyfriend not to go. It turns out that they weren't checking the people and my boyfriend was pissed. Additionally, I tried to talk to one of my closets best friend but she wouldn't notice me much. I guess that's when it all started. I looked for my other friend but I couldn't find her amongst the crowd, and my family overwhelmed me and wanted to take millions of pictures with me and stuff like that.
Before the graduation I had an awful fight with my mother about my future and why I needed a job.
We also got in a fight during my birthday which I only spent half of it with her because she was her usually 'charming' self. I can't stand when people get sarcastic to the point of throwing insults at you with no pity whatsoever. oh well.
Fights with my mother:
self explanatory, and they only happen more often and get worst. I'm thinking about moving out. I know I sound like the typical teenager, but I do know what it is to live without your parent's money. I'm waiting until I have a second job confirmed so I can sustain myself and live with my father who works most of the time and lives in a dangerous neighborhood and goes on business trips every week and only comes back for the weekends or with my boyfriend who would also get a job. My life with my mother has turned into a constant tug-a-war in which her main concern is her second husband, my step father the person I nicknamed the 'thing'. She has admitted openly that her first responsibility isn't that of a mother's but that of a woman, unlike my grandmother who never divorced in spite of the endless fights and hatred with my grandfather, for the sake of her children. I can't be in a place where they expected me to do all these things, and still be treated without trust. I need to gain my own responsibility and I have to find trust within myself. I can't seem to find it anywhere else but with those who have supported me through my hard times- one of my friends who is quiet but beautiful and my boyfriend. Only they know the secret that I've been keeping all this time and will probably take to my grave.
LOOSING TWO FRIENDS AT ONCE:
People often say you can make friends easily. The truth is, these friends were indispensable to me, even if they didn't know my secret. But you see, they couldn't possibly know. Sometimes we keep secrets because they're so big you're afraid of the effect they might have or what they could truly possibly hold. I mean- they've altered your reality already.I haven't lived a single day without thinking about that secret...I sleep thinking of it I wake thinking of it, hell It's just so ever preset I can' brush it off. But more people CAN'T possibly know it. How would they take it? I don't even want to think about it. These friends meant a lot. I would probably be talking to them if they hadn't blocked me from facebook which I think is what happened. I know a way to reach one of them, but I won't. That person doesn't want her identity to be endangered in any way and I won't. I guess I'll wait until they feel like talking to me. If it never happens or its too late then I guess. I hope you know who you are, and if you're reading this, I need you desperately. But I won't beg. I needed a sincerely 'happy birthday' - one that did not loathe me or wanted to see me fail so much... You don't know what it felt to be at a place were half of them were betting on your failure and hell they were right! They just don't know it...
Even the person I loved the most turned his back on me that day. I pulled myself through. We would've talked about a million things, played Uno until one of us got mad, and then laughed at it all..
I guess things don't last forever huh?
Forgive me okay? I don't know how else to reach you.
I hope I got my message through..and don't be disappointed in me.
I'm learning how to get by the hard way. I hope you make lots of friends who won't treat you like I did.
But I do hope they bake lemon bars for you.
HUNTING FOR A JOB:
I went to an interview at Express today. They offered me 15 hours a day. My first thought; DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE OF STARVATION? My second thought: HOW IN THE WORLD AM I SUPPOSE D TO PAY FOR COLLEGE WITH THAT MISERABLE PAY? and my last thought in that half-second: I NEED A SECOND JOB IF I GET HIRED, HELL MAYBE A THIRD ONE....
If I'm seriously thinking about leaving my lovely nest.. I'll need cash bro. and two jobs. Good thing that where I'm gonna live it's going to be cheaper... but still I need money to save up for college and stuff stuff stuff. Maybe clothes. No, COLLEGE. Nah, maybe a pet sugar glider.Yeah, pet sugar glider then college:3
So I applied at petco and other places...including walmart. I've always wanted to be a night stalker I mean stocker. It seems fun and endless. My type of job. The best thing? People won't be asking for shit since I'll be the one at night:D expect that one weirdo that needs to urgently buy ONE type of tape they only sell at wal-mart... (yes I did that) or if they need batteries or a random SD card (Yes, I also did that) OOR if the jsut felt like having munchies (guilty of that also).
I just hope I can get a good job at another place.
I hope I got the job at Express.
I'm confident I did;)
iF not plan* B.
I AM JUST KIDDING!*
Poles...possible infections...FUCK THAT SHIT, I'LL BECOME A MATHEMATICIAN!
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