Crazy things jealousy makes us do & people watching you eat

There are many things people do..I usually end up growing jealous of people and events. I've been jealous of a beautiful girl (who hasn't), of a baby, and of other things as well. I consider my character to be extremely odd. First of all, my anger seems to be pointless at times. Once I get mad, I NEED to explode or I will just be irritated and I'll just make a nuisance of myself.  Now, I'll explain the steps of my feelings building up to the acceptance of jealousy.

1. Annoyance: I will grow extremely annoyed at that particular subject or person. I'll eventually be unable to restrain my comments and show my jealousy. I will deny it even if it is brought up and I will hide it, which I'm excellent at. I'll make it seem like they wronged me in some way or another and this will be enough to mask my disgust at the person and myself.

2. Anger: I will eventually grow inpatient at myself and others. I will get mad at anything. The difference between this and annoyance is my atitude. During this period, I will become somewhat violent, and I will throw things at people for no reason. (And I have, like some girl walking down the street got hit by a pen I threw at her after a comment my boyfriend made). Finally I will fall under the mood I'm mostly in.

3. Depression: I'm usually in this mood since I always undergo hardcore mood swings and since everything that rises has to fall, well so does my mood. Sometimes I think I'm sick...but oh well. Under this mood I will curl into fetal position and cry. I will be tight ball of feelings that doesn't want to see anyone. This phase doens't usually last, and it lets me express all my anger, and release it.

4. Acceptance & Happiness: This is the last step. I'll come to accept the terms of my jealousy, what I could do better and how i can become better.  I'll try to see the good stuff in my as well and try to compete to become better. I know my determination: when I want something, I'll get it. So after I accept my jealousy I'll feel better with myself and everything will seem better.

The curious thing about all these steps is that it only lasts about one day, sometimes a hour. I tend to change moods rather quickly.. You have no idea how it annoys the people around me. But I guess that's what you have to put up with:P 

For example, one day I was growing pissed at my boyfriend paying more attention to other matters after having 'stolen' (these are the words I used in my mind and what I thought of) time with me and going with his friends. You might be thinking, GIVE HIM A REST. Well, he spends a week with his friends, sleeps over three days out of five and spends the rest of his day with them the other two. I only see him two days... maybe I'm asking for too much..but he doesn't talk to me during this week and I can't call him and stuff like that. So I grow extremely pissed when he's not with me during our time. I may not look like it, but I do have patience. However, I usually find the way for him to pay me what he owes me. 

Another time was when a drunk girl got near him and touched his face, grabbing his nose and talking in drunk giberish.. I'm not saying I'm unreasonable... BUT she can't be mentioned in front of me, and I can't see her without the urgency to throw something at her, make sarcastic comments and nasty remarks and so on. She's that ONE PERSON that no matter how nice she is, I will NEVER let her be near me. I know I can be really really unpleasant once I'm pissed, but the funny things is that she doesn't seem to understand it's her. All the other people think its extremely funny to see me constantly bringing someone down.. I hate to be the center of their entertainment but I just can't hold back.....One day I shall do something that will make me stop xD

Aside from being a huge ball of feelings, I can get hurt EXTREMELY easily. that's why I tend to shut myself and read....Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Finally, I will tell a random anecdote. The other day I was riding the charming public transportation. I had recently purchased a double ice cream cone, and I was eating it. I was enjoying it. Then I see a couple sit in front of me AND THEY WOULDN'T STOP STARING. (If there's something I hate, is people watching me eat. IT CREEPS ME OUT). I tried to finish my ice cream cone as quickly as I could, and when I did, the guy called me out and made the motion for me to clean my chin.... My first thought was never to ride the public bus again. After I got off I realized they must've been staring at me the whole time. Now I am paranoid about stuff like that.... sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on earth that this would happen to.